Coping With Major Life Transitions: Why Change Is Hard and What Helps

Why change is stressful even when you chose it

A divorce, a new career, a move, a death in the family, retirement: these look very different on paper. What they share is that the shape of your days changes, and you have to work out who you are in the new one.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention describes stress as the body's physical and emotional response to new or challenging situations. Notice that the word is new, not bad. A promotion you worked for or a move you planned still asks your mind and body to adapt.

Mental Health America notes that change can be especially hard when it comes unexpectedly or when you do not feel prepared, and that big changes can leave people feeling helpless and overwhelmed. Feeling that way does not mean you chose wrong.

The loss inside a change

Grief is a reaction to a major loss of someone or something. Death is a common cause, but MedlinePlus, from the National Library of Medicine, notes that grief can also follow other losses, such as the end of an important relationship.

This is why a change you wanted can still hurt. Mental Health America points out that even a positive change, like a new job, can bring grief for what you left behind, such as seeing former coworkers every day. Retirement can mean missing the structure of a workday. A move can mean missing a street you knew by heart.

Everyone grieves differently. Sadness, anger and numbness may come in no particular order, and relief and sorrow can sit side by side. Allowing those feelings tends to be more useful than arguing with them.

What adjusting can feel like

According to the CDC, stress can show up as:

• Strong feelings such as fear, anger, sadness, worry, numbness or frustration
• Changes in appetite, energy and interests
• Trouble concentrating and making decisions
• Sleep problems or nightmares
• Headaches, body pain or stomach problems

What helps during a transition

Stress often fades once a situation settles. There is no way to skip the adjusting, but there are ways to make it steadier. These ideas come from Mental Health America, the CDC and the National Institute of Mental Health.

1. 1Focus on what you can controlYou may not control the change, but you can choose how you start your day and how you treat yourself and the people around you.
2. 2Write it downA journal, a list or a letter you never send can help you sort out what you feel.
3. 3Keep familiar habitsRegular meals, movement and a consistent sleep routine give your days a frame while other things shift.
4. 4Lean on peopleStay in touch with friends, family or a group of people going through something similar.
5. 5Let yourself grieveMake room for what you miss, and also notice small good moments as they come.
6. 6Make simple plansA loose plan for the day or week can reduce uncertainty. It does not need to be followed perfectly.
7. 7Remember what you have handled beforeYou have adapted to change in the past, and that strength is still yours.

When a change becomes too much

Sometimes the reaction to a stressful event is stronger than expected and starts to get in the way of work or social life. MedlinePlus describes this as adjustment disorder: a group of symptoms, such as stress, feeling sad or hopeless, and physical symptoms, that can follow a stressful life event. It lists relationship problems and divorce, the death of a loved one, moving, general life changes and money worries among the possible causes.

Symptoms most often begin within 3 months of the stressful event. With help and support, people usually get better quickly, and the problem usually does not last longer than 6 months unless the source of stress continues. Talk therapy is the main treatment MedlinePlus names, including cognitive behavioral therapy, which helps a person identify negative thoughts and feelings and change them into healthier thoughts and actions.

How counseling can help

Counseling gives you a steady place to talk through what has changed, what you have lost and what you want next. At Locascio Wellness, therapists on our team work with adults facing divorce, career changes, loss and other big shifts. Depending on what you are carrying, you might start with grief counseling, anxiety therapy, career counseling or couples therapy.

All sessions are by secure video, and you must be in Pennsylvania, West Virginia or Arizona during a session. That can be useful in the middle of a transition, when your schedule or address may be changing too. You can book a free 15-minute consultation to ask questions first.

If you are in crisis or thinking about harming yourself, call or text 988, or call 911. Locascio Wellness does not provide emergency services. Our crisis resources page lists more options.

Change takes time to settle. With support, many people find that the new chapter starts to feel like their own.