Parenting Stress and Caregiver Burnout: Signs and What Helps

Stress versus burnout

Every parent, caregiver and guardian has stressful days. Stress and burnout are closely related, but a review of the research in the journal Healthcare says they should not be treated as the same thing. Burnout is described there as prolonged physical and mental strain and exhaustion associated with the parental role.

The review also explains why it can feel so heavy. A person worn down by a job can, at least in theory, step away from it. Parenting does not offer that kind of exit. You keep showing up, even when the tank is empty.

Parental burnout is not a formal diagnosis in the manuals clinicians use. That does not make the experience less real. It simply means the word describes a pattern, not a medical label.

Signs to notice

The review describes three main groups of symptoms:

• Exhaustion: feeling drained by the parenting role itself, not only short on sleep.
• Emotional distance: going through the motions with your child while feeling far away inside.
• A sense of failure: feeling that you are no longer the parent you wanted to be.

Caregiver stress has its own signs

Burnout is not limited to parents of young children. Grandparents raising grandchildren, guardians, and people caring for a child or adult with an illness or disability can all feel it. The federal Office on Women's Health lists signs of caregiver stress that many will recognize: feeling overwhelmed, feeling alone or isolated, sleeping too much or too little, feeling tired most of the time, losing interest in activities you used to enjoy, becoming easily irritated or angered, feeling worried or sad often, and having headaches or body aches often.

These can also be signs of depression or anxiety. You do not have to work out which it is before you ask for help.

Why it is not a personal failure

The research frames burnout as a question of balance. According to the review, it arises when a parent's resources are not enough to meet the demands placed on them, whatever those demands are. That is a description of a load, not of a person's worth.

Two risk factors the review highlights are a lack of social support and excessive perfectionism. In other words, burnout is more likely when you are doing too much alone, and when you hold yourself to a standard no one could meet. Parents who burn out are often the ones trying hardest.

Seen this way, the answer is not to try harder. It is to lower the load, add support, or both.

What helps

There is no single fix, and small changes add up. The Office on Women's Health and the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) suggest steps like these:

• Ask for help, and accept it when it is offered.
• Take time for yourself, even in short stretches.
• Join a support group for caregivers, or stay connected with friends or family who can offer emotional support and practical help.
• Decide what must get done now and what can wait, and practice saying no to new tasks.
• Protect the basics: regular meals, movement and a sleep schedule.
• Try a relaxing activity such as breathing exercises, meditation or muscle relaxation.
• Notice what you did get done at the end of the day.

When to get professional support

NIMH advises seeking professional help for severe or distressing symptoms that have lasted 2 weeks or more, such as difficulty sleeping, appetite changes, trouble concentrating, loss of interest in things you usually enjoy, irritability, or being unable to complete usual tasks.

The research review mentions cognitive behavioral therapy, relaxation training and mindfulness techniques among the approaches that can help with burnout. Therapy also gives you a place that is yours, where you do not have to be the strong one.

If you are in crisis, or you are having thoughts of harming yourself or someone else, call or text 988, or call 911. Locascio Wellness does not provide emergency services. Our crisis resources page lists more options.

How we can help

Therapists on our team work with parents, caregivers and guardians on their own, and with whole families. Family therapy can help a household share the load and change patterns that wear everyone down. If your child is struggling too, child therapy includes caregivers in the work. If low mood has settled in, see depression therapy.

Sessions are online by secure video, which means no commute and no extra childcare to arrange around a drive. You must be physically located in Pennsylvania, West Virginia or Arizona during a session. Start with a free 15-minute consultation on our booking page.