When to Start Couples Counseling

Key points

You do not have to be near a breakup to benefit from couples counseling.
Communication trouble, distance and broken trust are common reasons couples seek help.
Research has found that couples are often distressed for years before starting therapy.
For online sessions with us, both partners must be located in a state we serve.

The short answer: sooner than most people think

Many couples treat counseling as a last resort. Research points the other way. One study of couples entering therapy found that partners tended to wait years after problems began, and it cited earlier research in which couples had typically been distressed for an average of six years before seeking help.

Years of the same argument leave marks. Resentment builds, and habits like shutting down or keeping score get harder to undo. Starting earlier does not mean your relationship is failing. It means you are dealing with a problem while there is still plenty of goodwill to draw on.

Signs it may be time

In that study, the reasons couples gave most often for seeking therapy were stress from outside the relationship, communication, distancing and trust. If several of these sound familiar, counseling is worth considering:

You have the same argument again and again, and nothing gets settled
Small disagreements escalate fast, or one of you goes silent
You feel more like roommates than partners, with less closeness or affection
Trust has been damaged, by an affair or by something else
Outside stress, such as work, money, health or caring for family, is spilling into how you treat each other
A big change is coming or has just happened: a baby, a move, retirement, a loss
One of you has started to wonder whether to stay

Common myths about couples counseling

A few beliefs keep couples from getting help that could be useful.

Myth: it is only for couples in crisis. Counseling can be used for everyday friction, a rough patch or preparing for a change. You do not need an emergency to qualify.
Myth: the therapist will take sides. A couples therapist is there for the relationship. The focus is on the pattern between you, not on finding the guilty party.
Myth: going means we have failed. Asking for help is an ordinary, practical step, the same as seeing a doctor about a pain that will not go away.
Myth: if my partner will not come, there is no point. Mental Health America notes that even if your partner will not go to counseling with you, you can talk about your relationship with your own therapist.
Myth: it does not work. Researchers who reviewed the studies report considerable evidence that couple therapy is effective for relationship distress, while noting that many trials are small. No therapist can promise a particular result, and both partners' effort matters.

When couples counseling is not the right first step

Not every relationship is safe. Mental Health America points out that some relationships are violent, harmful and damaging. If you are afraid of your partner, or there is physical violence or control, joint counseling may not be the place to start. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233. If your life is in immediate danger, call 911.

If you are in crisis or thinking about harming yourself, call or text 988, or call 911. Locascio Wellness does not provide emergency services. Our crisis resources page lists more options.

Sometimes one partner is also dealing with something of their own, such as depression or anxiety, that is weighing on the relationship. Individual therapy can run alongside couples work. Our pages on depression therapy and anxiety therapy explain more.

What online couples sessions look like

Online couples counseling is a video visit that you both join. Most couples sit together in front of one screen. The National Institute of Mental Health notes that virtual visits do not require travel, which makes it easier to fit a session around two work schedules and childcare.

A few practical points help sessions go well:

Find a private spotVirtual visits can feel less private if people nearby can see or overhear. Choose a room with a door, and plan for children to be occupied or asleep.
Set up so you can both be seen and heardProp the phone, tablet or laptop so the camera takes in both of you. Check the sound before you begin.
Expect a conversation, not a verdictEarly sessions are about hearing from each of you: what is going on, what you each want, and what you have already tried.
Practice between sessionsYou will likely leave with something small to try at home, such as a different way to raise a hard topic.

How we can help

Locascio Wellness is an all-virtual practice, and therapists on our team work with couples by secure video. Both partners need to be physically located in a state we serve, which means Pennsylvania, West Virginia or Arizona, during every session. If one of you travels or you would be joining from two places, tell us when you book so we can talk through what is possible.

You can read more on our couples therapy page, or about family therapy if the strain involves children or relatives. Coverage for couples sessions depends on your plan, so check the insurance and fees page or ask us to verify your benefits. When you are both ready, or even if only one of you is, book a free 15-minute consultation.

Common questions

Is couples counseling only for couples who are about to break up?

No. Couples use counseling for recurring arguments, growing distance, rebuilding trust, or getting ready for a major change. Research has found that couples are often distressed for years before they seek help. You do not need to wait until things are at their worst to start.

What if my partner does not want to go?

It is common for one partner to be more ready than the other. You can invite them to join a free consultation to ask questions without committing. If they still say no, you can talk about the relationship with your own therapist. Changing your side of a pattern can still shift how things go at home.

Do both partners need to be in the same state for online sessions?

Both partners must be physically located in a state we serve during each session: Pennsylvania, West Virginia or Arizona. Most couples join together from home. If you would be joining from two different places, tell us before you book, because where each of you is located affects which therapist can see you.

Does couples counseling work?

Researchers who reviewed the studies report considerable evidence that couple therapy is effective for relationship distress, and they also note that many of the trials are small. No one can promise an outcome for a particular couple. What you both put into the sessions, and into practice at home, makes a difference.

Sources

Published by Locascio Wellness. Published October 13, 2026. Clinically reviewed by Anthony Locascio, PsyD, LPC. This page is general information, not medical advice or a diagnosis.